When my husband Ken died last December, many people asked how they could help. I was in shock and doing things like attorney, banks, taxes. I honestly can’t remember who offered to help with what. Now I need help. With wood – the jobs Ken did, and I don’t know how to do (see below). I have three piles of split wood about 40 inches that needs to be cut to 16″ for the cook stove. …
Grief (ɡrēf) noun deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death. “she was overcome with grief” These last couple weeks have been hard. No, I ‘m not “over it.” As a friend pointed out it will never be the same. I feel lonely, sad, and anxious. People tell me this is normal. Small comfort.
Last week I flipped the calendar to September. On the 19th it will be nine months since Ken died. And I realized this September 19th would have been our 25th wedding anniversary. That thought has prompted tears, crying, sobs, and feelings of being cheated like something was taken from me. That realization opened a new and dangerous path up to my view. Since Ken’s death I have seen, and maybe …
Since Ken’s death I have returned to swimming. Swimming goes waaaaayyy back. My parents tell stories from my childhood. They had two children and one, the elder, would see ocean waves and run from them; I would see ocean waves and run into them. I loved lessons, swam laps, became a lifeguard, swim instructor, and Instructor for the Handicapped (now called adaptive swim instructor) during my summers between years of college and part time after …
Since Ken’s death I have been deluged with offers of help. Of course I appreciate them. But in some ways it has been a burden to try and match people’s skills and jobs they can and want to do with what I need help doing. Most of the needed help is with “Ken’s jobs.” Either they require more strength or experience than I have (like felling trees for fire wood). Many of the people offering …
Today I got the two trailers mostly unloaded. What remains is wood that will NOT fit in the cook stove, but WILL fit in the larger wood stove. I need to bring it to another wood pile on the other side of the house to another pile. I waited until I was done so that it would just be one trip. Here are the two trailers And that third …
For the first time since Ken’s death, I hosted guests. Friday night a family of four stayed with me in my house. They were, I think, the first guests in my house since Ken died. I was so happy to have them come. Their energy changed this house and place from a place of loss, mourning, and grieving to a place of life and times of joy. It has opened my eyes from …
Ken and I heated with wood. Ken felled trees, and I would place them on end, Ken would split them, I would put them in the trailer and Ken would drive it into the yard where I would stack the wood. Later we got a splitter that could split 40″ wood for side stoking the pottery kiln. Now that Ken is gone I have to face that I never ran a chainsaw, rarely ran …
Ken loved stone fruit. Stone fruit always appears near the top of the Environmental Working Group’s Dirty Dozen list of food with heavy pesticide residues. Years ago I insisted we spend the extra money on organic stone fruit: peaches, cherries, plums, nectarines. So I bought and canned peaches once I could get organic ones so Ken would have some at any time of the year. After Ken’s illness and death I had so much food …
We have had a futon or two on the floor by the television for years. During the summer that is the best spot to sleep with the most breeze. But rather than rolling up the futon and airing it daily like they do in Japan, I just wanted to get it up off the floor. I did some research and found a tri-fold futon frame. That means it can be a flat bed …
