Finding Continuity in Baking Bread

As I re-construct my life as a single person I search for continuity.  Swimming with distance goals is one aspect. Baking bread is another.  Ken left me a sourdough starter and a friend, Sylvia brought it back to life and showed me how she bakes bread.  I shall be always grateful. Baking bread, like any skill takes practice.  After a few months of practice, I was not satisfied.  Then I ran out of my regular …

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Pets Rule

It rained last night.  It is cool, cloudy, and damp.  I was thinking about staying inside today, making bread, working on sorting paper,  and maybe taking a nap.  Once I fed the dog, cat, and chickens I headed over to make my bed.  Oscar and Big Red had claimed turf for napping and were giving me the Do Not Disturb looks. So I left them. After getting the bread dough mixed, I checked on them; …

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Wood Progress

Last year Ken cleaned up some older logs on the driveway; since he had not gotten the sawmill up and running the wood had gotten old.  Now it was no longer lumber grade – only good to burn.  He cut the logs in lengths that could be split for the side stoke holes on the pottery kiln – 40 – 42.”   Then the splitter was giving him trouble.  And his health was also giving …

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Needed: Help on Wood; Got a Chainsaw Handy?

When my husband Ken died last December, many people asked how they could help.  I was in shock and doing things like attorney, banks, taxes.  I honestly can’t remember who offered to help with what.  Now I need help. With wood – the jobs Ken did, and I don’t know how to do (see below).  I have three piles of split wood about 40 inches that needs to be cut to 16″ for the cook stove.  …

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Grief

Grief  (ɡrēf)  noun deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death. “she was overcome with grief”   These last couple weeks have been hard.  No, I ‘m not “over it.”   As a friend pointed out it will never be the same.  I feel lonely, sad, and anxious.  People tell me this is normal.  Small comfort.   

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Remembering Ken

Last week I flipped the calendar to September.  On the 19th it will be nine months since Ken died.  And I realized this September 19th would have been our 25th wedding anniversary.   That thought has prompted tears, crying, sobs, and feelings of being cheated like something was taken from me.            That realization opened a new and dangerous path up to my view.  Since Ken’s death I have seen, and maybe …

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Reaching One Goal!

Since Ken’s death I have returned to swimming.  Swimming goes waaaaayyy back.  My parents tell stories from my childhood.  They had two children and one, the elder,  would see ocean waves and run from them;  I would see ocean waves and run into them.  I loved lessons, swam laps, became a lifeguard, swim instructor, and Instructor for the Handicapped (now called adaptive swim instructor) during my summers between years of college and part time after …

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Little Red Hen – On Help

Since Ken’s death I have been deluged with offers of help.  Of course I appreciate them.  But in some ways it has been a burden to try and match people’s skills and jobs they can and want to do with what I need help doing.  Most of the needed help is with “Ken’s jobs.” Either they require more strength or experience than I have (like felling trees for fire wood).  Many of the people offering …

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Progress on the Wood Front

Today I got the two trailers mostly unloaded.  What remains is wood that will NOT fit in the cook stove, but WILL fit in the larger wood stove.  I need to bring it to another wood pile on the other side of the house to another pile.  I waited until I was done so that it would just be one trip.   Here are the two trailers           And that third …

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The Thank You Goes Both Ways

For the first time since Ken’s death, I hosted guests.  Friday night a family of four stayed with me in my house.  They were, I think, the first guests in my house since Ken died.  I was so happy to have them come.  Their energy changed this house and place from a place of loss, mourning, and grieving to a place of life and times of joy.     It has opened my eyes from …

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