A Deal is a Deal

Ken always liked a deal.  I also like a deal.  Within a couple weeks two places have offered yarn discounted at 50%!  That is a deal.  And I took advantage of it, and bought several skeins of Merino wool for projects.             When Ken was alive he held skeins so I could wind balls.  Now he is gone, and a friend showed me her basic swift and ball winder.    …

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Soup

I love soup.  Since Ken’s death I like making batches of soup.  I can heat up a bowl and return quickly to the task at hand.  Last Tuesday I made three batches: squash from a bland squash, cream of broccoli from some broccoli on the edge of freezer burn, and some chicken wild rice. Today it was lentil with onion, tomato, bell and hot pepper, carrots, and soup stock

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Cleaning and Clearing

Since Ken’s death I have been cleaning, sorting and clearing.  As I planned to visit my parents, I decided to skip to the top floor and clear a nice space for my farm sitter to sleep. The area was all torn up as I had given away a queen sized futon from a double bed frame (it was as Garrison Keillor would call it a deep valley bed).  When friends took the futon, they offered …

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Missing Ken on His Birthday: Many Reasons for Gratitude

Thursday was Ken’s birthday.  It was a tough day for me.  As I have said often this year, the firsts and the lasts are the most difficult: the first time I do something alone that we had done together for decades, the last time I eat something Ken grew or raised for example.        Thursday I was coming home from visiting my parents.  It was so good to see them.  There was much …

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Finding Continuity in Baking Bread

As I re-construct my life as a single person I search for continuity.  Swimming with distance goals is one aspect. Baking bread is another.  Ken left me a sourdough starter and a friend, Sylvia brought it back to life and showed me how she bakes bread.  I shall be always grateful. Baking bread, like any skill takes practice.  After a few months of practice, I was not satisfied.  Then I ran out of my regular …

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Pets Rule

It rained last night.  It is cool, cloudy, and damp.  I was thinking about staying inside today, making bread, working on sorting paper,  and maybe taking a nap.  Once I fed the dog, cat, and chickens I headed over to make my bed.  Oscar and Big Red had claimed turf for napping and were giving me the Do Not Disturb looks. So I left them. After getting the bread dough mixed, I checked on them; …

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Wood Progress

Last year Ken cleaned up some older logs on the driveway; since he had not gotten the sawmill up and running the wood had gotten old.  Now it was no longer lumber grade – only good to burn.  He cut the logs in lengths that could be split for the side stoke holes on the pottery kiln – 40 – 42.”   Then the splitter was giving him trouble.  And his health was also giving …

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Needed: Help on Wood; Got a Chainsaw Handy?

When my husband Ken died last December, many people asked how they could help.  I was in shock and doing things like attorney, banks, taxes.  I honestly can’t remember who offered to help with what.  Now I need help. With wood – the jobs Ken did, and I don’t know how to do (see below).  I have three piles of split wood about 40 inches that needs to be cut to 16″ for the cook stove.  …

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Grief

Grief  (ɡrēf)  noun deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death. “she was overcome with grief”   These last couple weeks have been hard.  No, I ‘m not “over it.”   As a friend pointed out it will never be the same.  I feel lonely, sad, and anxious.  People tell me this is normal.  Small comfort.   

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Remembering Ken

Last week I flipped the calendar to September.  On the 19th it will be nine months since Ken died.  And I realized this September 19th would have been our 25th wedding anniversary.   That thought has prompted tears, crying, sobs, and feelings of being cheated like something was taken from me.            That realization opened a new and dangerous path up to my view.  Since Ken’s death I have seen, and maybe …

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