Since Ken’s death I have been deluged with offers of help. Of course I appreciate them. But in some ways it has been a burden to try and match people’s skills and jobs they can and want to do with what I need help doing. Most of the needed help is with “Ken’s jobs.” Either they require more strength or experience than I have (like felling trees for fire wood). Many of the people offering to help have no desire to do things Ken and I – or Ken alone – did in the past.
Each time someone does help me I wake up and cry. Yes, I am grateful for their help. I also miss the simplicity of working with Ken with our work routines shared over decades. And I am looking for ways to do this alone in future. Call me the Little Red Hen
Now I have to schedule around other people’s lives; people helping have jobs, spouses, children, grandchildren, and scheduled duties and activities. My farm is not their priority. I understand that.
So, I need to set up my life and either pay people to do tasks or forge ahead alone with help as it may or may not arrive. There is not anger here, but there is some frustration and sadness; it is just my present reality.