Since Ken died I have reigned in my near rabid reaction to “So sorry for your loss.” A friend asked why it bothers me so much. Here is a portion from that near rant.
“So sorry for your loss” is a trite phrase: so often repeated that it is now as meaningless to me as the yellow smiley face with “Have a nice Day ” emblazoned under it. I hesitated to post Ken’s death on face book. I mean really, how many likes would make me feel better? How many sad faces or tens of “So sorry for your loss.” None memorable and not helpful.
To me the word sorry means regret like “I am sorry I am late.” No one is responsible for Ken’s death. Ken died. We all die. You may be sad to hear it, you may be sad I am widowed, you may be concerned about me. Well, say that! Just speak from your heart. I value your unique perspective and memories of Ken so much more than a trite phrase
I would like to think Ken’s death affected the someone who is speaking or sending me a card. I would like to think we share this loss. If that is true it isn’t my loss, it’s our loss.
And could we look at this less as a loss? Could we be sad Ken has moved on and feel grateful we got to know him, learn from him, dance with him, laugh with him, even argue with him? Once he is gone it is the memories of him, the things he said or did that matter to me instead of being reminded I won’t smell him or see him every morning or ever dance with him again
Instead of reminding me I am now a widow without a husband, could you share what you enjoyed about Ken, admired about Ken, loved about Ken? Could you share with me and remember with me? That would help more than you can imagine.