Sunday marked one year since Ken’s memorial service. That service was my last commitment to all the people who were mourning Ken’s death – his family, friends, pottery and produce customers, acquaintances. It marked the end of what I thought of as a very public life.
I had sold pots two weeks earlier, and now the pots were at two galleries. I no longer wanted people coming up my driveway at all hours (did I ever tell you about the couple shopping by headlights in the dark for a wedding present the night before a wedding?).
It was time to mourn and grieve alone or quietly with people I chose when I chose.
It has been quite a year. I had to stand up for myself, insist on privacy, grieve, mourn, start sorting and making decisions at my own pace, figure out what I could do, what I wanted to do, what I could afford to hire someone else to do. And what I had to just let go.
I had help and support from many and unexpected places.
I took on new tasks. I fed people. It felt good to cook and help and not always be the person needing help. I felt safe in their homes and it was good to get out.
I started sorting and clearing and making space. I started giving things away to people who could use them
I began exercising. I swim two or three times a week, and do an exercise routine, tai chi and chant each morning
I have started building a new life. By myself. But not alone. I am deeply grateful to all who have helped in small and big ways. I have felt and continue to feel fortunate.